It continues in an exciting way. Unbelievable what is happening here! Signs and miracles occur…
The third week is dedicated to energy work.
Week 3, day 1: Saturday, 22. August 2020
After the meal you shall rest … or learn 1000 Sanskrit names
The daily agenda here is packed with lots of great things.
From 6 am to at least 7 am is Satsang. This is followed by the first lecture and at 9.45 am we continue with a yoga class. At around 11 o’clock we have our first meal. An exquisitely delicious brunch, which is offered in buffet form.
Afterwards, depending on the karma yoga, there is more or less time for a break. As already mentioned, I was very lucky with my job as a door angel. That is why my break is a little longer, as my karma yoga has to be done 15 minutes before the start of each lecture.
On the one hand, I use my break for half an hour of rest. I have been spending this time with Kaunis Kuolematon in my ear since day one. Kaunis Kuolematon´s name not only fits perfectly, it means “Beautiful Immortality”, but also the way they make music. Their music always reminds me of Taijitu. A symbiosis between Yin and Yang. Between clear singing and dark grouls. Simply beautiful. Just like Yin and Yang is when it is balanced.
I spend the next half hour thinking and reflecting on all my experiences – and that is what this diary here is made of.
After I am back in balance with myself in this way, I learn. That is not easy. So many Sanskrit words. I keep mixing them all up. Although I am more a friend of understanding, I ask myself the question whether I should learn it all by heart. And, as so often, I get the answer promptly. In the form of a story that has been told.
Once upon a time there was a hermit. The hermit lived in a forest where parrots were captured by a bird catcher. The hermit felt sorry for the parrots. So he devised a plan: He paid the bird catcher not to catch any parrots for a month and allocate him a parrot couple.
During the contracted month, the hermit taught the pair of parrots how to talk. He taught them to say: “Fly away, the bird catcher is coming!” Then he told them to teach this sentence to all the parrots in the forest. After a month the bird catcher came again. Already from afar it resounded to him “Fly away, the bird catcher is coming!”
But the bird catcher stretched out his net, and what happened?
Soon it was filled with parrots. And they all cried “Fly away, the bird catcher is coming!”
∞
Yes, you really learn for life here. So many beautiful stories that give us all such valuable insights. That is why I now concentrate more on understanding, on the meaning behind it. If a Sanskrit word is misspelled but explained correctly, it will not be tragic. And if it is, then I have worked on my addiction to perfectionism a bit.
Week 3, day 2: Sunday, 23. August 2020
“Maha Kālī, come to me”
Dissection (a cool song by the way…)
Wow, last night I had a mediation experience! Maybe I should pick out the Kālī mantra and get sanctified…
Maha Kālī came to me
In a really great energy meditation we should consciously let the energy flow into different areas and keep it where we feel it best. I felt it most in my heart, called the Anahata Chakra. No wonder, since I always communicate with my heart in heart coherence. I also live here in the chakra pyramid on the fourth floor, named after the chakras, i.e. the Anahata – heart chakra – floor. What a “coincidence”…
So, while I was directing the energy to my heart area, I was lively talking to my heart. Or rather less lively, because unfortunately there was a visit from the Masters Of The Galaxy, so I had my monthly bad mood and depression. And the feeling of not being enough. Not good enough, not lovable enough. Fortunately, such feelings actually only affect me on those few days before the days. Even more fortunately I have a good heart. Because it has taken me in its arms, comforted me and wiped away my tears.
Well, so far, so good. I know that I can rely on the help of my heart. For it is not only good, but also extremely reliable. But what happened next is really awesome.
Before that I have to tell you a short story that we heard in Satsang in the morning. Namely a story about the goddess Kālī. I already have a connection to Kālī and for some time now I have been testing what happens when I meditate with her mantra. That is why I pricked up my ears especially well when the story of her origin was told.
Once upon a time there was a demon called Raktabija. He had the special feature that whenever a drop of his blood fell to the earth, new demons were born from this blood.
When the men could no longer help themselves in the fight against the demons, they called on the gods for help.
And then came Kālī. She rolled out her huge tongue over the earth. So no drop of blood could reach the earth anymore and no new demon clone could be created.
Afterwards Kālī devoured all remaining Raktabija demons with her big mouth and so Raktabija completely destroyed.
∞
So as I sat there in this deep embrace with my heart, Kālī suddenly came to me. She came into my meditation in her beautiful blue awfulness. And then she just ate my thoughts. My thoughts of not being enough, of not being lovable. The goddess stuck out her big tongue and grabbed and swallowed the thoughts of my ego, which are actually just illusion and therefore not real. And off they went. Amazing! If I can now solve all my problems so quickly in a meditative way, then I will definitely do the mantra sanctification!
You may think I am crazy. In fact, I sometimes think that about myself. But I have to say that if it is so nice to be crazy, then I like to be crazy.
By the way, many others also deal with the great Kālī. Among others Dani Filth from Cradle of Filth with his side project Devilment. Or the band Dissection, from whom the above quote is taken.
Here my TOP 5 of Kālī metal songs:
Week 3, day 3: Monday, 24. August 2020
Energy Experiences
Today the Kundalini Days began. Kundalini is the yoga of energy. The goal is to ignite the energy located at the lower end of the spine. In the form in which Kundalini is practiced here, this is done mainly through breathing exercises (Pranayama) and postures (Asanas).
Kundalini is cool, very cool. During the meditation in the evening I felt vibrations in me. Like when you go on a roller coaster, or like when you have been on a ship all day and you are still a bit dizzy. Actually it is really hard to describe. But it is a wonderful feeling. So powerful. It feels like energy flows in the body, always in a circle. Like a ball in your body that is spinning really fast. The circle could even be controlled. I could make it rotate horizontally, vertically and diagonally in all directions.
The energy I was allowed to feel was probably prana. Prana flows in over 72 000 energy channels, called nadis, through the whole body. This is also the basis of traditional Chinese medicine, which inserts the acupuncture needles into these nadis to direct the energy and so to heal. Though there the energy is called chi and the energy channels are called meridians.
I am still completely thrilled. It was really so beautiful to feel the energy.
Again and again I think there will be so many things that I will miss when the training is over. So with every meditation I think about maybe going to mantra sanctification. Because with so many great meditation experiences it should be easy to continue it at home. A personal mantra would be really nice for that.
Week 3, day 4: Tuesday, 25. August 2020
Imperfectionism
I have made it: I got rid of my perfectionism. Unfortunately not of my own free will, but only because of time pressure. With such a packed schedule, I cannot manage to rework everything properly, not to mention preparing everything detailed.
So today I had my second teaching test – a yoga class for absolute beginners. I had prepared myself under the given circumstances, which was far below my usual level. But at least I was able to take the serenity of the last week with me until just before the start of the test.
The class was anything but perfect. I was not satisfied at all. Of course I passed. The observer, as the examiners are called here, had not found any serious mistakes either. Nevertheless, I must say I could have done better. If I would have had the time to prepare myself better. However that is precisely the problematic point. The perfectionism. It is also good as it is now. You do not always have to do everything perfectly.
I would not want to miss any of the experiences I have had here, just to have a little more time to prepare or rework. Everything is good as it is. Everything comes the way it should come anyway. So why be perfect? I hope I can keep this attitude.
Even though I was not so satisfied with several things in my teaching test. The relaxation at the end must have been great – because a slight snoring told me that my observer had fallen asleep in the end of the class…
Week 3, day 5: Wednesday, 26. August 2020
Equanimity in Success and Failure
Today I am tired, very tired. Because I had even less sleep than usual. Shortly after midnight I suddenly woke up because a blue light shone through my window. Or flashed into it. Through the open window I heard voices from walkie-talkies. This made me feel a little insecure and made me get up and look outside. What I saw made me even more insecure: Several fire engines, an ambulance and various firefighters walking around and talking into the walkie-talkies.
The building complex here consists of three very large multi-level houses. The ashram had been a health clinic in its former life. Curious, I tried to listen to the information on the walkie-talkies. What was going on? Fire, suicide attempt, terrorist attack? Should I ever pack my belongings that I really wanted to save? As always in such situations I trusted my intuition. And it told me that I could be completely reassured.
My intuition, like my heart, is very reliable. So in the next moment a clapping could be heard and in the opposite staircase you could see many people walking up. Seemed as if it had been evacuated. The fire brigade left and I went back to bed, calmed down.
Unfortunately I could not fall asleep again. A thousand things went through my mind. Important and unimportant things, such as whether I would find out what had happened.
Because today is Wednesday, and therefore again a moderate day of silence, all day long. No talking outside of the classroom. Also not in the classroom on topics that do not concern the teaching. As I am a rather obedient person and follow (reasonable) rules, I am of course silent. Anyway, I find silence very pleasant these days. Furthermore, I am firmly convinced that information that is meant for you will reach you. By whatever channel.
And so it was. This morning in Satsang we heard another beautiful story. About men who have always laughed. Personally I think laughter is really great. I was actually once accused that I laugh too much. As if that would work, laughing too much! Be that as it may. With regard to the story, our lecturer also said that you should always laugh about everything, take everything with humour. In a subordinate sentence he quietly added mischievously, “even if you yourself are the trigger for a fire alarm”.
Yeah! The information I had wished for was there. The nightly light show had probably not remained hidden from the others either, and in the spirit of the story just heard, the whole room broke out in laughter. I almost felt sorry for our teacher. But he laughed his gurgling laughter (he really often laughed in class and also liked to laugh at himself – very likeable!) and found it hilarious.
Our teacher wanted to make himself hot water for a tea and the steam from the electric kettle automatically triggered the fire alarm. The fire brigade of Bad Meinberg approached and wanted to extinguish the fire, but nothing was burning…
Actually, on the day of silence one should not go out of oneself and keep the energies within. But because of the concentrated load of laughter, everyone will have absorbed at least as much energy as they gave off. And besides, in such a situation you have every reason to laugh with all your heart. Because what is more beautiful than a misfortune that has not occurred!
Week 3, day 6: Thursday, 27. August 2020
Thursday = Fasting day
Today is Thursday and thus a day of fasting. My last meal was at 6.30 pm last night and the next meal will be at 11 am tomorrow morning. There is always brunch at around 11 am and a warm dinner at around 6 pm. The food is very tasty. Lots of vegetables, a great deal of salad and dishes with legumes in many different variations. I am already sad when I have to make do with a smaller selection at home again.
So today is a day of fasting and I am hungry. All day long. I am brave and I am enduring. Hopefully the fasting will have the effect that I leave a few kilos here, in addition to many old habits that are no longer usable.
I do not only do without food. Throughout my training I have forbidden myself to use social media. My mobile phone is in flight mode and is only used in very rare cases. I cannot do without my mobile phone completely, because I have to take pictures of something or need my alarm clock every now and then. I also want to have at least brief contact with my loved ones once or twice a week.
In principle, I have to say that it is incredibly liberating to be without a mobile phone. It is nice to be unreachable and to know that the world is still turning. And it is nice not to know what is going on in the world (at least for a while). Because the result is that you are completely free of worries. At least as far as worldly worries are concerned. In the long term this is probably not a state of mind, because you cannot close your eyes to everything. But at the moment I am absolutely satisfied with my situation.
Week 3, day 7: Friday, 28. August 2020
Humility
As I have already mentioned in the last two weeks, Fridays are always farewell days. Those who do not complete the training in one piece go home and new students arrive. Since the new students only arrive in the evening, after the goodbye round in the morning we have the day off until the evening Satsang.
Time to learn, for your own yoga practice or for other activities. After hearing that the offer “talking to trees” would be so inspiring, I thought I would also see if a tree had something to tell me.
This was not really a good idea. Although, more precisely considered, necessary for me and my mind.
So we joyfully met with the shamaness at noon. We entered the Silvaticum in awe and after we asked in a meadow to be allowed to talk to nature, everyone looked for his tree. Intuitively one should do this. Meet the tree humbly and listen to what it had to say. In words, in pictures or in any other way.
“Trees are sanctuaries. Whoever speaks to them, whoever listens to them, experiences the truth.”
Hermann Hesse
Indeed… Originally I wanted to turn around and start walking, but something pulled me in the opposite direction. I wanted to look for a birch tree, because that is my favourite tree, but there was none to be seen. I also realised that it was not me who chose the tree, but the tree chose me. And so I stood in front of “my” tree.
By “talking to trees” everyone imagines that you are standing there and hugging the trunk. But somehow I felt that was not at all appropriate and very intrusive for the tree. So I kneeled down in front of its trunk and touched the moss on its foothills with my hands. Humbled by Mother Nature I knelt in front of the tree, greeted it and asked if it had something to tell me. He was very kind to me, the tree. Immediately a never before known feeling of security flowed through me. It almost felt as if he was caressing me with his branches. Beautiful.
But then he actually spoke to me. Still, the story he told me was not at all beautiful. I saw a battle, I saw a Germanic man ramming a sword into the chest of a Roman. And I know both warriors from my present life…
So I was pretty confused for the rest of the day. Could it be that we all have lived there before? And what do I have to do with it? Should it be the transferred representation of a current situation? Or a reference to something? Past, present, future? Who knows? Once again, I have to exercise patience in order to gain further insights. Patience… that is not mine at all.
When you think now, that I am completely manic, then I can only agree with you. If I had not experienced it myself, I would not believe it either.
You want to know how to go on? STAY TUNED!
Next week there will be the fourth and final part. Namasté
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